I am a hypocrite.
Now, before you begin to cast the first stone and laud me for finally admitting to something you think you knew years and years before today, take a step back and look in the mirror before you let word one escape your lips.
We are all hypocrites.
Just not in the way you’re thinking right now.
When you sit down and think through ‘hypocrite’ ‘hypocrisy’ ‘hypocritical’, you think in derisively negative words. Someone who says something but does another. Believes in one thing but still acts differently. Synonyms would be two-faced, deceiver, fraud, charlatan, etc.
Pretty harsh, isn’t it?
For some people though, being a hypocrite is the best thing that could happen to them.
Stop and think for a moment, if you will...
When is the last time you did something good for yourself.
Now when was the last time you did something positive for yourself because you wanted to.
Now...stop right there.
You hear it all the time. “I lost weight because I wanted to feel better....” “I trained harder because I knew I could do it and I wanted to do it for me....” “I dumped him/her because it was best for me....”
Have you ever heard one of those statements, or something similar, uttered from your own mouth?
What was behind it?
I guarantee its something more than a ‘just because’.
I’ve been in a funk lately. I can’t describe it. I just can’t kick it.
A few months ago, I put together a plan called the ‘Better Me Project’. In theory, an awesome idea. Unfortunately, I got put on the road and the travel became a lot more extensive than I thought it would be, which shelved the BMP indefinitely.
That’s not the point, though. Sorry. Brief detour right there...
As I looked over my writing and read through my notes, one thing became abundantly clear.
I was doing this project “for me”.....
But it wasn’t really for me.
There were a million other factors involved. As there are every day.
“For me...”
....because I want this girl(s) to like me.
....because I want to prove this guy/person/people wrong.
....because he/she/they said I couldn’t do it.
....because it’s the right thing to do.
....because he/she/they said I should be doing this.
....because I can do it better than he/she/they.
Its sobering to sit back and think..just how many things have we done for ourselves without a hidden, underlying agenda? I would bet there’s not much.
A lot of this writing is cathartic. Its ideas I can’t escape from.
Like this one. Causing my funk.
Why can’t I just do something for myself? Not for anyone else, not to impress anyone else...but just because its something I truly want to do for myself? And I’m not talking about eating that candy bar to indulge, or staying away from second helpings, or buying that cool thing I really want....that’s not positive change.
It is something to think about. Can we actually do something for ourselves, pure of intentions and heart? Or are we doomed to consistently be doing things for ourselves, with undertones always attached? Is that just how the human condition is right now? Has it ever been different? Hell, will it ever be different?
I don’t know.
At the end of the day, I still need to make positive changes. Thanks to those of you who inspire me, aggravate me, or challenge me out of spite. Until I learn to kick this hypocrisy, you’re all I’ve got.
